Fuck

As it turns out, I did turn to my mother to help me get a student loan.  And, of course, it wasn't good enough.  We were still declined, I guess great credit isn't enough, you need to make a fortune as well.  So, I have to come up with $3000 in the next 20 days or I'll be dropped from all of my classes.  And, I still need another $2000 or so shortly after that to get everything I need to start the semester (but that's not as urgent).  Anyone know anybody I could blow to get $5000?

Also, Tristan found out that the job he was waiting for, the one that would have increased his income by 34%, fell through.  The job basically just went away.  So, this hasn't been the greatest of weeks. 

With me not having a job, and not wanting to just jump into a new one either, getting into school was my plan.  I have been trying to do for 3 years, agonizing again and again as something always got in the way.  And now, the rug is pulled out from underneath, yet again.  I would just really like something to go right for once, I don't feel like a I'm a bad person that deserves to constantly get shit on.  But, what do I know?

Fuck.

Declined

Figures...Tristan wasn't a qualified enough co-signer.  So, I need to find someone that is.  The only person I feel like I could ask is my mom, but I really really don't want to.  She already co-signed for a previous student loan and for my car.  I just don't know if I can ask her to do any more.  I know so few who would qualify, but I really just don't want to put anyone in the position of feeling bad about saying no.

Waiting waiting waiting

I know things take time, and I know my chances are slim.  But, I have been waiting for Salliemae to finish processing my student loan application, and it is driving me crazy.  They need to hurry up, and it needs to be approved....I need something to go right, so I that I know I'm on the right track.

Decision

Well....I think I've actually made a decision.  I spoke to a friend of mine who is a chef, and I asked him about the realities of salary in the chef career.  He said it varies quite a bit depending on what kind of job you get.  He has made over $100,000.00/year as an executive chef at a restaurant in San Francisco, to as little as $17.00/hour as a Cook I as Disneyworld.  I decided that I can work with that.  I'm perfectly willing to re-locate when the time comes, so that I can make more money.  I just think that I will like this more, much more.  It may be intellectually lower than other career ideas, but it will give me much more of a creative outlet.  Not to mention how much fun the schooling will be.  

Now, I just have to find the money to get started.  I'm going to do both the Culinary Management and Baking & Pastry degrees at Valencia College.  I'm choosing Valencia because I can't move right now, and this school will be much cheaper than most, since it is a state school.  Fortunately (once I get Florida Residency back for the summer semester and beyond), the whole program should only cost around $12,000 (which over 6-7 semesters, isn't bad).  I just need about $4000 for the first semester and around $1500 each thereafter.  My only option is to get a private loan (which I don't know how much success I'll have with), or find a guardian angel who will loan/give me the money.   I guess I can always try the lottery as well.  I just have to pay for the first semester by 12/16 and I can finally get started with school again.  :)

Fucking Money!!!

Why does everything always boil down to money?  I can't stand the fact that so much of our lives have to revolve around this ridiculous concept.  The old cliche says that money can't buy you happiness.  But, you know what, it sure goes a long way towards it.  I think not worrying about being able to pay your bills every month is pretty damned good.  I think having a nice home and the ability to explore the world (both at home and far away) is pretty damned good.  You can't do any of that in this world without cash.

My point?  I'm glad you asked.  I have been struggling about career choices, wavering between what I really want to do and what would probably be right to do.  I think, more than anything, I want to be a chef.  But, there is no freaking money in it, at all.  I saw ads for cooks at very nice restaurants offering $10-$14 per hour.....that's nothing.  I'm 34 years old, I don't have time to build myself back up to what I have been most recently making.  It just kills me that there is no freaking money in this field, and that money has to be such a critical factor.  If I could just jump right into my own business, then I probably wouldn't care.  But, I don't have the start-up capital for that, and I probably never will making less than $50,000 a year as a chef.  And, frankly, I want to have a life.  I don't want to kill myself every night just to get by.

The only thing I think I can really settle on then, is being a medical technologist.  At least they start out at around $55,000-$60,000 annually.  It kills me, because I want to go to culinary school so bad, I just don't want to work as a chef.